Communication Styles Survival Kit

If you’ve ever walked out of a meeting thinking, “How did we get so misaligned when we were all saying the same thing?” — you’re not alone.

With hybrid work, video calls with people not on video (you know who you are), email backlog, shorthand texts, or “I’m a talker, not a texter” types – keeping up with communication tactical styles is tough. On top of that, you’re juggling rapid-fire deadlines, constant change, and multiple team dynamics. 

Communication has quietly become one of the hardest parts of our jobs. In my career across design, teaching, and consulting, I’ve seen the same pattern repeat itself across global teams: 

• Most communication breakdowns aren’t personal

• They have mismatched communication styles and tactical preferences

Once you understand the behavior behind the communication styles and how people default to them under pressure, everything gets easier: collaboration, speed, trust, and yes, even conflict.

How Would You Define Behavior?

When we talk about behavior, keep a few things in mind:

•  It’s observable – people can see it

•  It’s situational – you react based on circumstances

• It’s flexible and dynamic – it can change and adapt

•  It’s based on our thoughts and beliefs

•  It’s often an expression of our personality

We can see how others behave, and they can see how we behave. Understanding behavior and how to identify it in ourselves and others helps us read situations more accurately and respond more effectively.

The Four Communication Styles

“Communication is to relationships what breath is to life.” - Virginia Satir

The format I use most when teaching basic communication is DISC. The reason? It’s not about personality; it’s about observable behavior. Everything that the DISC communication model measures is observable behavior, the things everyone else can see. Personality vs. behavior – what’s the difference?

• Personality lives more on the inside: preferences, perceptions, internal wiring.

• Behavior is what we can actually see: tone, pace, words, body language, and choices.

An assessment like Myers–Briggs, on the other hand, is more about measuring internal perceptions. Because DISC looks at observable behavior, it’s easier to apply to both yourself and other people. DISC helps you quickly get an idea of someone’s style and adapt your communication accordingly. It’s important to note that DISC does not measure:

• Adaptability or versatility – everyone can flex into each area

• Intelligence

• Personal values

All people display each behavioral DISC style to some degree. Broadly speaking, people tend to lean in two directions:

• Either task-oriented or people-oriented

• Either more assertive (high energy) or more responsive (low energy)

These orientations sit underneath the four DISC styles and they shape the way we communicate. Before we dig into the four styles and what DISC means, we first need to understand a couple more things about how people communicate. 

Task-Oriented vs. People-Oriented

Task-oriented people are focused on goals and execution. They tend to be cooler, more reserved, and less likely to initiate small talk. They often prefer to work alone, focus on quantitative information, and use fewer stories to get their point across. When they speak, they’re not as animated and use fewer gestures and vocal inflections.

People-oriented people are focused on relationships. They appear warmer and friendlier, like to spend time talking and building relationships, and prefer working with others. They often use stories, anecdotes, and illustrations when they communicate and are more expressive and animated.

Task vs People Recap

• Who will start a meeting by asking about your weekend? → People-oriented

• Who will start by getting right to business? → Task-oriented

• Who wants an exact dollar amount vs. an approximate number?

• Who prefers working sessions rather than divide-and-conquer?

Start to watch for those cues.

Low Energy or High Energy?

Another way to spot someone’s communication style is by watching their pace how quickly they respond, react, and move through situations. I like to think of it like kayaking down a river.

Some days the river is high and fast after a storm quick, energetic, and constantly moving. Other days the river is low and slow during dry season, steady, calm, and unhurried.

Neither is better. Both rivers will get you to the same destination, they just take a different path and a different pace. Communication styles work the same way.

High Energy (Assertive)

Assertive people feel more in control of their environment and show their confidence by speaking more loudly and moving quickly. They tend to:

• Have a faster pace

• Use more declarations than questions

• Express emotions openly

• Try to shape or change their environment

Low Energy (Responsive)

Responsive people are always listening, processing, and digesting information. They tend to:

• Speak less frequently and more slowly

• Be cooperative and less confrontational

• Avoid unnecessary conflict

• Work within existing circumstances

Energy recap

• Who’s going to rearrange the room setup if they don’t like it?

• Who will you need to ask to speak louder?

• Who’s more comfortable knocking on doors in a sales situation?

• Who will dread getting up on stage?

Mapping this Into DISC

DISC helps you quickly get an idea of someone’s style and adapt your communication accordingly.

Once you understand the two key dimensions, task vs. people and assertive vs. responsive, the four DISC styles fall into place. Each style is simply a different combination of those tendencies. Now let’s break down the profiles and explore what they look like in real, everyday behavior.

1. The Driver

Drivers shape their environment by overcoming opposition to accomplish results. They work to achieve immediate results, question the status quo, cause action, take authority, accept challenges, manage trouble, make quick decisions, and solve problems. They often are ambitious, assertive, direct, competitive, and enjoy a challenge. Those with behavioral tendencies high in dominance thrive in situations that present opportunities for:

• Power and authority

• Advancement

• Prestige and challenge

• Direct answers

• Freedom from controls and supervision

• A wide scope of operations

• New and varied activities

• Opportunities for individual accomplishment

Drivers are often misunderstood as people who want to control others, but that’s not actually their goal. What they want to control are tasks and environments, because their focus is on getting things done efficiently. When Drivers set their minds to something, they can move mountains. Think Oprah Winfrey levels of determination: decisive, focused, and relentlessly outcome-driven.

2. The Influential

Influencers shape their environment by influencing and persuading others. They tend to look for situations in which they can connect and have contact with people to create a motivational environment, make a good impression, and entertain people. They tend to be optimistic, articulate, and enjoy participating in groups.

Influencers are often social, outgoing, team-focused, and inclusive. They thrive in environments that allow them to participate in:

• Social recognition

• Public recognition of their abilities

• Freedom of expression

• Group activities outside of their job

• Freedom from control and decisions

• Coaching and counseling on their performance

• Favorable working conditions

People with high Influencer communication skills excel at inspiring, connecting, and energizing others. They’re natural negotiators, coaches, and teachers because they lead through enthusiasm and emotional intelligence. Think Ted Lasso, someone who can rally a room, build trust quickly, and make people feel seen and motivated.

3. The Steady

Steady communicators tend to be cooperative with others within existing circumstances to carry out tasks. They tend to be patient, loyal, good listeners, and willing to help others. The steady communicator is a consistent performer and works to create a stable environment.

Steady types are often known for their measured, stable approach to life. They are interested in problem-solving and are aware of the feelings of others. They thrive in an environment that allows them to:

• Maintain the status quo

• Work a predictable routine

• Receive credit for work accomplished

• Work in a position that allows minimal work interference on their home life

• Receive sincere appreciation

• Identify with their team or group

• Have minimal conflict

Don’t mistake a high-S communicator’s calm for complacency. People with a Steady style bring patience, loyalty, and quiet resolve, and some of the most legendary leaders in history embodied this strength. Think President Lincoln and Mother Teresa: steady, principled, consistent, and deeply committed to the people they served. Their influence wasn’t loud, but it was profoundly powerful.

4. The Conscientious

The Conscientious style works diligently to make sure things are done the right way within existing circumstances to ensure quality results. They like structure, rules, detail, facts, and are usually systematic in their approach to their activities. 

They tend to concentrate on key details, be analytical thinkers, diplomatic, and use indirect approaches to conflict. It’s important to them to check for accuracy, use systematic approaches to situations, and adhere to key directives and standards.

The Conscientious communicator’s preferred environment is a reserved, business-like atmosphere that affords them control of factors that affect their performance. They need clearly defined performance expectations and recognition for specific skills and accomplishments. If they are working with others, they prefer the team to share the value of quality and accuracy.

Think Albert Einstein or Spock, precise, analytical, methodical, and driven by logic. Their strength comes from disciplined thinking, careful evaluation, and a deep commitment to getting things right.

Situation

What I love about using the DISC framework to teach communication at work is how quickly it helps people “see” behavior. It's not theoretical or abstract, it’s observable. You can watch how someone writes, organizes, talks, or even walks, and begin to recognize patterns. Once you know what to look for, DISC becomes a simple, practical lens for understanding yourself and others in real time.

DISC Style Recap 

Starting in the Dominant / Driver corner, we can see they intend to conquer, not people, but objectives and goals. However, anyone who gets between a high D and their goal can feel conquered. Then there is the Influential, always with the intent to persuade. They use talking, energy, and relationship-building to move things forward. Next, we meet the Steady, committed to maintaining stability and keeping the peace. They’re the glue in many teams. Finally, we all need the Conscientious on the team; they intend to ensure things are done correctly and safely. They care deeply about quality.

How Teams Can Use This to Work Smarter

You can start with small shifts to up the communication of your team. The payoff is saving hours of rework and reducing the low-grade friction that drains teams. When everyone understands and values different communication styles, that diversity becomes a real superpower.

• Sharing communication preferences during onboarding

• Offering both big picture and step-by-step details

• Normalizing: “How do you want this information delivered?”

• Building cross-functional “translations” between styles

• Sending a short agenda or memo before the meeting

Closing: Communication Is a Leadership Skill

There are no wrong styles and no wrong answers, just insights. Everyone uses all four corners of DISC in their communication survival kit; the magic is in discovering your unique blend.

We call communication a “soft skill,” but there’s nothing soft about the work it takes to do it well. The leaders who rise in complexity aren’t the ones who know everything, they’re the ones who can communicate clearly, adapt quickly, and connect across differences.

If you want to work smarter, lead better, and reduce friction in your team, start with this question: What’s your default communication style, and what does your team experience from you?

To understand others, you must first understand yourself. Here’s a free DISC assessment to explore your style: https://discpersonalitytesting.com/free-disc-test/. 

Remember: there are no wrong styles and no wrong answers — just insights. Everyone uses all four corners of DISC in their communication survival kit; the magic is in discovering your unique blend.

This is one of my favorite topics to teach. We communicate every day, yet it remains one of the hardest skills to practice consistently well. If you or your team ever need a facilitator for DISC or Communication 101, I’m always happy to help.